Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Ok.. What REALLY Happened on Rollins' Bus

It must have been a slow week in the CityView music department because for whatever reason, they took the article I wrote about Henry Rollins and ran with it... In fact, they claim that Henry himself mentioned me in an email to them disputing the accuracy of my story.

Apparently Henry took offense to what I wrote, going as far as to tell CityView that I am a liar and a coward.

Sigh...

Here is the text itself, as printed in CityView:

Henry Rollins brought his spoken word tour to Wooly’s on Oct. 1. Rollins is an engaging speaker, and a good time was had by all who attended (uncomfortable folding chair seating aside). Some time prior to the show, local music blogger Troy Church decided to pay Rollins a visit and do a little self-promotion by handing off some swag. According to his blog, The Bigfoot Diaries, the trouble started when Church knocked on the tour bus door. From the blog:
 
“To my surprise, (Rollins) answered the door personally.
 
‘Hi Henry,’ (Church) said. ‘I have a couple gifts for you.’
 
‘Um… Are (you) affiliated with the venue in any way?’ He asked.
 
‘No.’
 
‘OK… Before we go any further let me tell you something. Never EVER fucking knock on a tour bus door, you got that? No matter what, never never never ever fucking knock. It’s an unwritten rule. You just don’t do that. Ever. Understand?’
 
‘OK. I’m sorry.’ I said. ‘I should have known better.’
 
‘I can’t emphasize enough… Never.’ He reiterated.”
 
According to the blog post, things don’t really get much better as Church offers Rollins a Bigfoot Diaries T-shirt (“Do I fucking look like I wear a 2X? Look at me man.”) and a sticker with Church’s contact info (“There is NO way I’m gonna fucking call you, man.”).
 
For his part, Rollins doesn’t remember it that way. In an email conversation, Rollins characteristically pulled no punches: “I went to his site and read (the post). It’s not nearly what happened. I didn’t use the word fuck in every sentence, nor did I have the aggressive posture that he indicates. He put an email address on the back of his sticker, and I tried to use it but it came back as wrong. He did not record the conversation, yet he makes it seem like he did. It was cheap, and also untrue, what he put on his page. His readers should understand that he is a liar and a coward.”
 
Told.
 
So yeah... Clearly, I wrote the piece as fiction to create a more dramatic effect than what actually took place. But since I was called out on it, and because CityView ran the story without contacting ME first to see if I had any rebuttal to what Henry said, I guess that I had better come clean.
 
This is what REALLY happened:
 
I knocked on the bus door and Henry answered.
 
"Um, hi Mr. Rollins," I said, "I didn't expect you to personally answer the door."
 
"No, I always do, man. I love my fans! What's up?"
 
"Oh nothing... I have a couple of t-shirts for you and a sticker too. You can put it on your bus if you want to."
 
"Oh I would love that very much," Henry answered. "Won't you please come in? I was just finishing up some knitting. I'm making a special friend a blanket for Christmas."
 
"Uh, cool." I replied. "Yeah. I'd love to."
 
Henry held the door for me as I entered his bus. A little white furry dog greeted me with a friendly wagging tail.
 
"Is that your puppy, Mr. Rollins?" I asked.
 
"Please. Call me Hank. And yes, that is my puppy. His name is Lickens. He always comes on tour with me. I have a kitten around here somewhere too. Her name is Fluffy."
 
Hank's cat, Fluffy.
 
Hank's bus was amazing. There was a table and an easy chair, and a room that slid out from the rest of the bus that supported a couch. (This is where Hank sat as he knitted, which he continued to do as we talked. The blanket he was making was vibrant and full of colors from the rainbow.)
 
"Help yourself to some tea if you want," he said as he pointed to a kettle of boiling water on the stove. "Be careful though... It's very very hot." He got up and went to his CD player. "How about some music? Like Abba?"
 
He put on Abba's Greatest Hits, and sat back down to work on his blanket. We talked about his tour, and the fact that when I last saw him do a spoken word tour in Ames several years ago he revealed that he had a mad crush on Ann Coulter (he says he still does) and how the Rollins Band song, "Low Self Opinion" was in fact written in retrospect and is 100 percent autobiographical.
 
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was the ol' Shave and a Haircut routine: Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap...Tap-Tap.
 
"OH, there's Glenn!" Hank exclaimed, tossing his knitting onto the couch as he got up. "That's our secret knock! I hope he brought bubble bath!"
 
I decided that this was as good a time as any to leave, and made my way out the door. As I walked out, I was surprised to see Glenn Danzig come in. I knew then that I had stayed my welcome.
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
So yeah. Not as fun and exciting as the original story - the one I "made up."
 
Thank you CityView for calling me out on my lie... Oh, and for being "Alternative." Now that I've come clean, can I have my integrity back?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pertinent Links:

Original CityView article

Henry and Glenn Facebook Page

 
 

Reactions:

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I KNEW it couldn't have been true! Now THIS sounds more like the Hank I know and love in my big stupid naive head.

Subliminally Incognito said...

HA! I love this! I guess you have the creative license to do it, but I am upset you left out the part that Hank was wearing a My Little Pony footed Pajamas while watching a marathon of WIll and Grace.

Shep said...

This is strange, but that is exactly how I picture an afternoon with Henry Rollins; except I imagine he would serve up a scrumptious pineapple bisque and Danzig comes over with bubble bath.

Anonymous said...

city view is trash, no doubt about it. faux "journalism" with a disgusting bias