Saturday, December 12, 2009

Bigfoot? Only If He Is Wearing An Ape Suit...

There's a tall hairy creature wandering the woods in Minnesota, and it's not Brett Favre searching for the ideal spot to place his deer stand. It is some idiot in a gorilla suit pretending to be Bigfoot... And though it is painfully obvious to me that this is a person in a gorilla suit, the local media are eating it up and selling it as the real deal.

Didn't I just mention a few posts back that things tend to get a little boring up there in Minnesota? Yes...  I did... In fact, I think in that same post I also mentioned that doing dumb things up there will get your name in the papers. Now, as Minnesota fate would have it, I get to demonstrate how that works on BOTH sides of the fence. On one side you have atheletes idiots who are doing dumb things and not seeking attention from the media, but get it based off their stupid acts, and on the other side you have ding bats like the guy in this picture who can't handle their feeble existence as it is, and need that 15 minutes of fame. It's a reciprocating dumb-ass- no-win situation. There's not much we can do about it... Except ignore it.

Or... Take the path I've chosen here and expose them as the fraud they are, in hopes that they will just go away.

But even I know that is not a likely scenario. With this technological age we live in, we are seeing more and more cameras and ways to transmit photos. As long as that element exists... That ever anticipated 15 minutes of fame... We are going to have to deal with these wing nuts and their faked photos. However just as the technological age is a disadvantage for the reasons mentioned above, it does also serve as an advantage in the sense that we can just as quickly defraud these idiots of their sufferable attempts to rile the media into painting that big ugly Bigfoot is a fraud picture. It undermines the hard work and back breaking research the good guys have put into cryptozoological science.

(Oh, and check out Squatch Inc.. They seem to be on top of their game too.)

The good news is, Bigfoot is still smarter than we are and is able to elude capture, whether it be genuine or photographic. The people involved with the Minnesota photo are clearly amateurs... The creature doesn't even resemble something that is real, nor does it have muscle tone or anything else that would signal it is anything BUT a man in a shiny vinyl-haired suit.

Just a couple of quick observations:

The men in the article claim that this "creature"  is seven feet tall... Based off what? That small sapling next to him that is taller than he is?

And why, despite being a rainy night, do the men say nothing about scouring for footprints or other physical evidence? Surely a beast of that magnitude would leave impressions in the soft wet ground. Has anybody even mentioned that?

I think that if I were writing this story I'd be asking a lot more questions, and spending less time just taking their word for it. That's a real swell job of reporting there, Molly Miron. You should come down here to my nick of the woods. The Loch Ness Monster lives in my shower...