Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Absence of Destiny

Pow! Right between the eyes... Oh, how nature loves her little surprises. -Joe Walsh's "Life of Illusion"

Hawks lose 34-27.

The clock just struck 2:00 AM and I am wide awake. Aint no sound except for the faint hum of the dishwasher and my beating heart... Each beat taking me another second into the future.

My brain is a bit frazzled as I write this. The Hawkeyes fourth quarter luck ran out tonight in the Tuscon desert, and images from that game keep pounding into my memory with atomic force. So many ups and downs... Good Lord... Why do I care so much about sports? Is it worth my blood pressure spurting to hemorrhage levels? Is it worth the overcoming feeling of dread that I feel... Is it worth the sleepless night I am facing?

Well... This sleepless night had some help in the making. The 11:00 cup of coffee isn't helping to calm things down within the walls of my cranium. It's not helping with the blood pressure, or that feeling of dread... It's too much to expect a night of sound sleep and I knew that when the pot was being brewed. I was hoping at the time that it would be worth it... That the night would be spent awake with a giant wave of relief flowing through my veins as opposed to this feeling of anxiety I am stuck with.


The hope was that the Hawkeyes would have their usual fourth quarter heroics, secure the deal, shut down Arizona's offense, quiet their stadium and have champagne in the locker room. The hope was that this was the dream season I have been waiting for my entire life, when the Hawkeyes would run the table and actually contended for the national title... finally gaining the respect of the national media.

It seemed too much like destiny after last year's season, and I should have heeded the voice deep inside my soul that spoke about destiny not being a real thing, that it was no more tangible than doom or fortune... That we set ourselves up for our failures, and most of the time it comes down to who or what is most prepared for success, not a phantom play card to be acted out in a wind storm of fairy dust...

I heard that voice but I wasn't listening.

Arizona certainly brought spirit...

Tonight Arizona was the more prepared team. They punched Iowa right in the mouth from the git-go, leaving the Hawkeyes weak in the knees and sour in the heart. By the time the Hawks regained their strength it was too late without enough fuel in the tank. There wouldn't be an amazing Hulk Hogan type comeback on this night, no sir. When Iowa tied the game only to have the extra point blocked, Arizona caught our momentum in a bottle and gave it back to us with a pile driver. One! Two! Three! and we were out just like that. Actually it came in the form of 4 sacks in a row against our offensive line that had been touted as one of the best in the nation. Our game tying drive never had a chance to get off of the ground... It's hard to move the ball forward when you are constantly being pushed backward.

No... It's actually impossible.

Arizona punched us first and they punched us last. The few jabs we got in between were not enough to overcome the damage that had already been inflicted, and the better prepared team won the game. It's that simple. Now the Hawkeyes can focus on the Big Ten segment of the schedule and put this loss behind them.

Meanwhile I'm thinking it's going to be a bit more difficult for me...

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