Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Grant's Tomb: Post Grammy Halestorm Conniption

Did you catch the Grammy’s Sunday night? No? Well, me neither, I think I was playing Skyrim at that point, or possibly dicking around on Cracked.com. But yeah, the Grammys! To be perfectly honest with you, the last Grammy Awards show I think I actually caught might have been when I was 15 and still owned two Disturbed albums (I was a late bloomer), but of course the metal blogs were blowing up this morning with the shocking(?) news that Halestorm beat out several well established acts for “Best Metal/Hard Rock performance.” I should probably preface this by saying I really don’t care, it was a couple years back when I heard that the Grammy’s were combining their metal and rock categories, and at that point I knew I would quit paying attention. Truth be told, I had no interest in even bringing this up, and if this seems rushed-sorry, but when you actually look at who was nominated versus the pitiful act that won…well yeah. 

Lets take a look at the nominees:

1. Anthrax, “I’m Alive”-meh
2. Halestorm, “Love Bites (So Do I)”-oh that’s sooo cute!
3. Iron Maiden, “Blood Brothers”-Maiden is cool
4. Lamb of God, “Ghost Walking”
5. Marilyn Manson, “No Reflection”-see my review on this album
6. Megadeth, “Whose Life (Is It Anyways?)-that’s not cute

Lamb of God has been nominated three times previously, but considering their fan base probably had no idea they were even nominated again and singer D. Randall Blythe’s current manslaughter charges in Prague, this wasn’t a likely candidate. Anthrax has also been nominated three times previously, and as I’m not to familiar with their music (what I’ve heard I didn’t enjoy-doesn’t make them bad, its just not my thing) I can’t comment on it. My guess would be that they would fall into a similar category as LoG-their fans probably weren’t watching anyway. Manson has been nominated before, but if you heard the song (go read my review) you would know why this never, ever stood a chance. So that leaves us with Megadeth. Where to start…they’ve been nominated no less than 9 times making this past awards show their 10th. No wins. That has got to be some kind of a record, no pun intended. Now I can totally understand why the panel of judges (hahaha, yeah they have a panel of judges hahaha) would be slightly leery of giving Dave Mustaine a microphone considering his penchant for anti-Obama/right wing rhetoric when he has the opportunity to speak. If you want to have some fun, just type in an internet search using the words Dave Mustaine guns Obama socialism and you’re sure to find some choice nuggets of cheap entertainment no matter what side of the political spectrum you lean. 
So yeah, Megadeth has been nominated a lot, and truly, it would have been fitting for them to win this year. Ever since United Abominations, Megadeth have reminded us why they rocked so much/hard in the first place and “Whose Life (Is It Anyways?)” is no exception. It’s heavy, got killer hooks, ripping leads and lyrics that are more than just…well, you’re usual metal/rock fodder of sex, drugs and debauchery.  

So, Halestorm. Who? Yeah, I don’t listen to the radio either. 

In fact, while I was aware of their existence, I couldn’t tell you the names of any of their songs, what the lyrics are or who was in the band for that matter. Yet, they won, on their first nomination. A couple other groups have pulled this off, Nine Inch Nails, Ozzy Osbourne, RAtM, Tool, Deftones, just to name a few, but here is the thing, these were already well established bands. They were/are to some extent house-hold names and several of them have gone on to be nominated again and win. Which brings me to the thing that really blew my mind: how did a band, on their sophomore album beat out well known, well revered (not Manson, but ya know…he has some fans…I think), bands that have sold more records than the winner could ever hope to? OH, sales you say?

Who is Halestorm and why don't they know how to spell?
On September 24, 2012, Blabbermouth.net reported that ‘Worship Music,’ where their Grammy nominated song “I’m Alive” comes from, had passed the 100,000 copies in the United States according to the Nielsen Soundscan. That was the U.S. alone. Nielsen doesn’t include global sales, so you can imagine that was quite a bit of plastic getting purchased *coughdownloadedcough*. 

While I’m having a hard time finding the actual sales amounts for Iron Maiden’s En Vivo!, the live album that “Blood Brothers” comes off of, according to Blabbermouth-again-in its first week of release it landed on the Number 1 spot in Australia, Austria, Finland, Germany, Hungary, Spain, Sweden and the UK. Eventually going Gold in Austrailia (7,500+ sold), Platinum in the U.S. (100,000+ sold), 2x Platinum in Canada (20,000+ sold), and gold in Poland (5,000+ sold). 

Manson’s ‘Born Villian,’ where his nominated song came from, sold 39,000 copies in its first week and landed at number 10 on the Billboard 200. I’m sorry that I was part of that number. Oddly enough, it sold much better than the previous abomination. 

Lamb of God’s ‘Resolution,’ which features “Ghost Walking,” sold 52,000 copies in the U.S. IN ITS FIRST WEEK. For a metal band to pull that off…let me back up, for any band that isn’t being played on ClearChannel stations to pull that off in today’s digital age is excellent. Honestly, “Ghost Walking” isn’t even that great of a representation of that album. 

I’m having difficulty locating figures for ‘Th1rt3en’ by Megadeth, where their Grammy nomination can be found, but on its debut it sold an impressive 41,840 albums. Remember, this is the digital age where you can buy one song at a time, or steal the whole album for free. 

So…how about Halestorm? Their sophomore album “The Strange Case of…” boasts their Grammy winning song, but compared to the heavyweights above, how does it stack up?  As of February 6, 2013, Halestorm's “The Strange Case of…” has sold a whopping: 3,100 albums. Yes. 3,100. That’s it, and the truly screwed up part is that its been on the charts for a longgggggg time, currently residing around the #120 mark. 

Does quantity = quality? No, absolutely not, and if it did there would be a whole lot more sales for Iron Maiden and Lil’ Wayne would be back to living out on the streets. My point is simply this, Halestorm sucks. Their music is banal and pretentious, filled with lyrical clichés and repetitive riffs, and IN CASE YOU’RE WONDERING I’ve been listening to them while typing this. God help us if these are the kinds of metal/hard rock bands we recognize as having true artistic talent and class. 

In closing: “Who gives a fuck about a goddamn Grammy?”-Public Enemy

-Grant's Tomb


Anonymous said...

I concur. Halestorm is fucking boring. Awful lyrics, cliche riffs, a band that sounds like Diane Warren pop full, circa 1991, but "metaled up" to sound "tough." If you take away all their glistening production, and played their songs on acoustic guitars only, you'd have a Taylor Swift record.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Halestorm. The little band that has so much potential but is held back by their leader. Lzzy has an astounding voice but the "lead" guitar player and bass player fall terribly short of her talent. She is selling herself short and should just straight up fire those two. F it. Halestorm has released only two full studio albums. And four EP's - two of which are COVERS and one is live. So - what we have here is essentially a karaoke singer with a lame backup band.

Lzzy - you're so "tough" with your voice, tougher than most men lol. Madd props. Your lyrics suck, you sound stuckup little whore who in all honesty was probably heartbroken as a teenager and never learned to open up again. You are not hot either. Your voice is... but beneath all that makeup and leather, you're nothing more than a 5/10.

No, no, a thousand times no said...

Saw them tonight in KC. I couldn't wait for it to be over. Worst crap ever. I'd rather get a root canal than see them again.